Journal Entry, April, 22, 2010
This past year, I ponder my path as a journalist, songwriter/modern prophet. I capture the painful nuances of not only my life, but those He put me in contact with. He gives me glimpses of His love through their lives and struggles. This is now my main work, portraying the meaning of suffering in such a way that it is not frightening or offensive. With God's new revelation, I no longer acquiesce to repercussions of hopelessness and despair of injustice, killings and prodigal children, but acknowledge these through filter of His grace and mercy. This is the miracle of suffering...His supernatural intervention and restoration!
My promotion as a songwriter/musician to spiritual God scientist parallels the work of the professor who scrutinizes the specimen on the microscopic slab, intent upon analyzing the constituents which make the virulent plague...sin. In spite of persistent studying confirms no cure...but God. The only cure is God for this kind of virulent and rampant strain
Religion, education Science and Psychology have all failed in their flimsy attempts to heal the inner man. Masters, Bishops, Popes and professors are deluded into believing that their tremulous studies and experiment can tame or arrest sin. Sin has the most infections and terrifying properties of even the most devastating strain ever known to mankind, tainting every soul alive from the beginning of time to the present...worse than the depicted in any science fiction movie!
Only with the continual immersing of the baptism can the disease be tamed by putting on the mind of Christ..
Just the other night, I mourned the slow rate of my recovery. Tears fell as I asked my Heavenly father why I had to endure such suffering for such a long period of time.
"Father, I know you love me, not because I feel your love, but because You've said so in your word and I walk by faith and not by sight." In coming to maturity, His children must learn to believe even without seeing or feeling. His love for me does not entail me waking up and feeling physical exuberance, vitality or feeling happy. For me it has been an arduous and elaborate gleaning of the carnal/intellectual versus the intricate glories of His workmanship, especially in suffering.
God created a perfect and pure world in the garden of Eden. That perfection was marred through Adam and Eve's sin traversing mankind through the flood onto the annihilation of sin and death through the atoning blood of JESUS Christ.
God continues to use vessels who choose to receive His instruction however, difficult, humiliating, and baffling to expound .His deeper truths. I marvel and ponder why , despite my many weaknesses, physical facilities and emotional handicapped He continues to graciously reveal His ways and will? Often, the bodily pain is so strong that I want Him to stop and carry me like Elijah into a chariot to the heavens. "It is enough, Lord," I cry out exhausted from sobbing and opposing.
My writings and songs have now evolved into deeper revelations. I wouldn't expect many to get them and I often wrestle with myself as whether I should waste the time and effort to share such knowledge with a generation so dull of hearing. Hours of editing and composing these spiritual gems usually end up with one or two people who receive and rejoice, I'm tired of delivering telephone books in the elements to secure finances to record songs that are just too deep for the mainstream. Just when I think I'm finished with music or writing, I am encouraged by the Holy Spirit. I forge forward and my Father blesses me with favor.
This is the way of the prophet Misunderstood, scorned and often ignored, but determined and obedient to capture His word and give it to a lost culture driven by secularism and materialism
Lord...throw the life rope. Someone's down there!".
